The Instrument is a Body and My Instrument is a Brick
Performance, Sound, Sculpture
2022
Presented at the inaugural
Great Lakes Association for Sound Studies conference 2022 at the University of Regina, Cananda. This
work was included in the Lansing Art
Gallery show, “LGBTQ+ Artist
in Michigan” (curated
by Katrina Daniels)
in 2023 as a sculpture.Performance Documentation, Video, 8m41s
Artist Statement: I sat behind my drum set, an instrument I have played everyday for over a decade, and wept. I was having a panic attack after just getting off the phone with my family and realizing that I was going to become estranged from them for being a trans woman. I thought drumming would help me. During my years with this instrument, I have toured the country and played hundreds of shows with dozens of bands across the Midwest and Southern United States. After that phone call, I played the most beautiful drum solo I had ever played and may ever will. While playing I was focused on speaking to my instrument, I was begging my drums to help me and I felt deep in my soul that they responded with, “I am a drum set.”
I almost quit drumming after that. I thought,” I am a woman now, do I want to be a woman who plays drums? How does a trans woman even play drums?” When I sit behind the kit, I am utilizing the muscle memory I have developed, but who’s muscles? Then I met a trans woman who was a jazz pianist going through the same crisis and we talked about the challenges of relearning our instruments. We adapted.
The question remained: how might a trans woman play drums? I thought of the history of drumming. One might argue that drums are the sound of creation, the first sound we hear is our mother’s heartbeat. The big bang. However, one might also look at the history of Western drum set technique and its roots in European and American armies. What kind of body to you imagine when you think of a drum set player? What gender do you think of when you think of drums? What sexuality?
I wanted a transsexual drum set. Then maybe if I reach out for help, there will at least be solidarity. I injected the drum with estrogen and punctured the head with every needle I have ever used on my own flesh. I think it sounds perfect.
A TouchDesigner patch rotates between 36 different videos from a tour the drum and I went on in 2018. Videos change depending on information received by the microphone.